 Adobe Photos How often have you asked your child, after he comes home from elementary school, "How was your day?" The typical answer you are likely to get is "Good!" That usually ends the conversation. You are relieved that your child didn't have a bad day. Your child is relieved that he doesn't have to explain what he did in school. Unfortunately, the only way you will find out how well your child is doing in school is when he gets his report card or when you meet with his teachers during the parent-teacher conference. Problem I had this problem with my son when he was in elementary school. I was struggling with the following:
Many parents run into this problem, often leading to heated arguments with the spouse and the child without effective, long-term, practical solutions. Parents are busy with their work and other responsibilities, so they throw money at the problem through their children attending learning centers and tutoring. They are ofen disappointed and frustrated when they see little to no improvement in their childrens' academic performance. Money is not the solution; yelling at your children and lecturing them about the merits of education and learning is not the solution. Parents are stressed and often give up and resort to hope and prayer. The main problem is that children need motivation to learn, and teaching motivation is hard. It is not a one-day thing; it is an everyday thing predicated on deliberate practice. I tried two solutions to fix the problem. One worked, and the other didn't. Ineffective Short-Term Solution Some parents, like me, often do this to help their children complete their homework: Do it for them. Why? Sitting down with your children and helping them with their homework is a real pain. They hate doing it, and you hate it, too. Also, while helping your children with homework, you quickly realize it takes work. The main reason is that you need to be more motivated, it's time-consuming, and you are tired after a long stressful day at work. Soon, you start to feel that the people who devised the homework are on to you, so they have purposely made it difficult. Though my son and I were happy we completed the homework; I soon learned that this approach didn't improve his academic performance. Effective Long Term Solution One day, while watching a business report on TV, I learned that Hedge Fund managers are compensated using a 2/20 formula. They get two percent of a fund's managing fees and twenty percent of its profits. I turned the percentages into minutes spent helping my son with his schooling; hence, I took two minutes of my son's time at the beginning of the day and twenty minutes of his time after school. Parents can see it as an investment in helping their child succeed in school. After some trial and error, I came up with this method, which I call the 2/20 method. It will not make you rich like a Hedge fund manager. Still, it could pay huge dividends in improving your children's academic performance and future success. You don't have to become a "Tiger Mom" or "Eagle Dad" to achieve this. As explained in Charles Duhigg's book The Power of Habit, your child needs to develop a keystone habit. The keystone habit may not seem like it will achieve what you want to improve, but gradually, it will lead to improvement in many areas you were not directly targeting. Instead of targeting academic improvement head-on, target a keystone habit to improve your child's educational performance. A good non-academic example of this is explained in Duhigg's book when Paul O'Neil, former Secretary of Treasury under George W. Bush administration, became the CEO of Alcoa. Alcoa's financial performance was poor, as reflected in its stock price. So what did O'Neil do? He fostered a keystone habit of focusing on safety since Alcoa had safety issues that resulted in injuries and death. Focusing on this keystone habit not only improved safety but also Alcoa's financial performance. Can I develop a keystone habit to enhance my son's academic performance? How does 2/20 work? The 2/20 method is straightforward. You spend two minutes in the morning before your child goes to school to get a quick update on what your child is expected to do, such as submit his homework, take tests, and what he plans to learn during his school day. If two minutes is too long, make it one or thirty seconds. The 2/20 method aims to focus your child on his school day rather than having him take the bus to school, attend classes, have lunch, and take the bus back home. In a sense, you are creating a purpose for his school day. The important thing is that this should be only two minutes (or less) in the morning since the kids have little time, and you probably don't have much time either. Furthermore, you want to leave your child out before he heads to school. Your job is to listen and let your child do the talking and have a focus. When he returns from school and after he has had some time (no more than one hour) to settle down, you want to spend twenty minutes getting an update on what he learned, what homework he has been assigned, whether he has to prepare for any coming tests, and getting a progress report on any projects that are due. Ask him if he needs help, and then leave him alone. Your job is done. I discovered that just showing interest for 20 minutes is sufficient for your child to communicate with you about what he did in school, what he is learning, and what he needs to work on. This method provides you with all the necessary information, so there are no surprises. Also, it will get him thinking about how to present his school day to you during the school day. He will be an active student if he knows he has to show it later to you. Why is 2/20 effective? By having your child talk to you about his school day, he will pay close attention to what he is learning. Also, he will know what he needs to focus on. Here are some benefits you will start seeing with your child:
Avoid interrupting your child when he is presenting his school day. Let him talk. Provide positive feedback at the end. Do not criticize the presentation. If you do, you will shut him down, which is not good for you and him. Be constructive. Ask him how he plans to solve a problem and if he needs help. That's it. It would help if you tried harder to make him responsible, accountable, and confident. After all, he is going to school, not you. Initially, he will try to game it, but if you persist with interest, he will realize that you are not there to treat him like a baby but an adult; you will hold him accountable to help him learn and perform well in school. Your child will be more forthcoming and willing to share more than the superficial "good" for all your questions. You will be conversing with your child; sometimes, that is all the push he needs to excel. Outcome This exercise helped me quickly understand what my son was learning in school and was able to help him focus better on areas where he was having difficulties. Finally, the school was not wearing me down. It also helped my son develop skills for explaining what he had done in school and a habit of summarizing his school day. Though he may not have liked this deliberate exercise and struggled through it, he knew I cared about his education and learning. He eventually started taking the 2/20 method seriously. Perhaps he knew I would not give up, and he had no choice. After I started the 2/20 method, I did not have to spend much time with my son with his homework, tests, or even projects. He became responsible, accountable, and confident. I saw a significant improvement in his performance in fifth grade and even more in sixth grade. He soon became independent and informed me whenever he needed help, which was rare. Patience is Key I warn you that you will initially get a lot of resistance, but stick to it and be patient. If 20 minutes seems long, start with 10 minutes, then you can increase it to 15 minutes, and eventually settle on 20 minutes. Note you want to stay within 20 minutes so your child knows how to cover everything in 20 minutes or less. Once you start, you will learn how to manage your time and develop an approach that works for you and your child. The one thing you can't afford to do is give up. Even if you get them to do all the talking, that is a big win since kids today do not develop excellent communication skills. I stumbled into this totally by accident, and since it worked for me, it may help you if you are having difficulty improving your child's school performance. The 2/20 method requires about 22 minutes daily, during which you will mostly listen and let your child do most of the talking, explaining, and teaching. The biggest drawback to this method is that mom and dad must find time to do this. I could do this with my son since I worked from home and tried to take a break around 4 PM for half an hour. But for others, this may not be possible. But it would help if you found time to do this, especially in critical school years from KG through 3rd grade. The earlier you do it, the less time you will have to spend later in your kids' school years. So start early, even as early as KG, but reduce 20 minutes and 2 minutes to 10 minutes and 30 seconds. The most important takeaway is that you and your child must commit to this and make it work. Once in motion, you will finally enjoy school as you see your kids enjoying and excelling in school. You will no longer dread attending your child's parent-teacher conference and will be able to inform teachers of all you are doing to help your child. The teacher will be impressed and give you the hard-earned "A" you deserve. AI proof your children You should be worried about AI. AI, at best, will lower pay for many jobs and, at worst, eliminate jobs. So, as a parent, you must start preparing your children early for this uncertain future. You have to be actively involved if you want your children to be successful. You can't expect teachers to help; even colleges cannot help with this problem. Only you can help your children be successful in the future. The critical skill for success is communication. According to LinkedIn's most demanded skills, the number one skill is communication. It makes a lot of sense. According to LinkedIn, communication is needed for the following reasons:
The 2/20 method will help your children develop the following communication skills: Learn to talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere, early in life. The 2/20 method will teach them how to connect, influence, and persuade. Learn how to build relationships with other kids, teachers, and coaches. Learn how to ask questions and not be afraid. Learn how to request feedback and even provide constructive feedback to their peers. The 2/20 method seems like a lot, but we are in the AI age. We are up against a competition that does not rest and keeps getting better, faster, better, faster. You have to outsmart this foe by being a better human. That means communication. As I say in my book, "Time is Money, Communication is Wealth." It is more accurate than ever, and it must start early. Final thoughts The 2/20 method is unconventional, so it may be difficult for children. But children are learning things like sports, music, and other extracurricular activities that are just as hard, if not harder, so difficulty is not an excuse not to try this method. You spend much time from kindergarten to third grade, so this habit develops very early. It may be more challenging if you start later than third grade. Enable the child to be an active student. All the work should be mostly done at school, and only the challenging work should be brought home for additional time and help. Note that you are not trying to replace the teacher. Encourage the child to write a short outline before giving you his 20-minute presentation to organize his thoughts before presenting his school day. Writing is plusing this method. Your child's best teachers are parents; this method will help them become effective teachers. This method is especially needed today as AI is taking over many jobs, so some core skills must be learned very early to be gainfully employed in the AI age. This method will teach your child how to learn and develop lifelong skills for success. Investing in this method is the best thing you can do for your kids. Even if they don't like it, they will give you credit when they are successful; that is your reward for trying this method and sticking to it. #####  Time is Money, Communication is Wealth
I guide people succeed when they must win, such as getting a good job, advancing in career or winning a sales deal. I wrote a practical, no-nonsense book on winning titled Winning Speech Moments: How to Achieve Your Objective with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere. Get the Free Speech Checklist Email: [email protected] Phone: 732-847-9877
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